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Breakdown And Boss Up- Building Momentum

The floor hits hard. It is a humbling experience, embracing the very surface where feet trample and dirt thrives. It is here where I found myself. Shattered; splintered; worn, but not broken. Time stops when our life vision is challenged or changed. At least it feels that way. Humans, particularly women are very visual creatures. Heck that is why every woman, and her sister, have Pinterest and vision boards. And the best life coaches will tell you to get descriptive with your vision for your future. What does it look like; smell like; taste like? It becomes so tangible and real, this ever-elusive indicator of success. This can be in the form a relationship (love), our careers, our homes, and even interactions with those around us. But what happens when this embodiment of our hope, the very light house that guided us through Life's uncertain waters is demolished before our eyes?

Today I will Share with you this very experience that demolished me, and how from the rubble I rebuilt stronger than ever. This is my journey from leaving abusive marriage, to a financially and emotionally devastated single mom, to a small business owner in a happy healthy relationship. I will be concise and not share too many details for legal reasons (my marriage/divorce will be the focus of another article) but that is okay because what I want you to take away from this article is the momentum! You see life is full of trauma but trauma in definition isn't bad; it simply is an event that changes our perspective and challenges our core values.

Before marriage, I was a hardworking dreamer. I was an LA actress who retur-

-ned back to her small hometown in Indiana under the advice of an agent to lose weight to become more marketable. I had my own photography business, a manager at a major retail store, and was absolutely killing my fitness goals. I was thriving. I had met my ex-husband in my prime, and I believed I was making a choice from a place of power. After two years of infidelity, mental/emotional/physical/financial abuse, and extreme lies (such as essentially his identity); I had liquidated my business assets to pay his debts and immigration case. I worked 60 hours plus work weeks and ruined my credit with loans to pay his expensive lifestyle and needs. Then in a last stitch effort to save the relationship we tried marital counseling, where detailed that he deliberately researched me and created his personality to con me into marrying him for a green card. Talk about earth shattering. I was left with almost nothing. I say almost because though I lost literally all of my physical and financial assets, I had my baby boy.

My son was born two weeks before covid lockdown. During this time my job was shut down and then later downsized, so I started working as a virtual assistant for an insurance agent. Imagine a first-time mom with a newborn, caring for my son while juggling my laptop and making calls. And then Like the rest of the world I started spending my limited free time on TikTok where I both produced soul-freeing content and leaned new skills. I saw that others were starting their own businesses during the pandemic. I was without a car (ex-husband got it in the divorce), and I was without childcare. I had to get creative. I went back to my roots and started teaching music lessons. My elder sister would watch my son in the evening for me to teach out of a studio I was renting out of a local music store. I was starting to recapture the old me. I was loving teaching and fostering the passion for art in children. It fed my creative hunger and it provided "milk money."

Great, so now as my studio kept growing, I had to think about next steps because I didn.t just want to survive I wanted to thrive. I started studying for my Real Estate License and taking Parenting Classes. All this between work and the baby and I was absolutely exhausted, but If I learned anything from my time in theatre school, it's the importance of a schedule. I would study and work my virtual assisting job in the morning. During my son's naptime, I would pay my neighbor (a sweet older woman who was like a second mother to me), and I would jog to the gym for an hour workout and jog back. Then I would play with my son, prep lessons, and go to work. Late in the evening I would return, clean my apartment, and study again until I fell asleep. Can you feel the momentum building?

My studio reached 50 students, and I was averaging around $3000/month. I was feeling great about myself and my future. I felt ready to put myself out there again. And where does a young recently single mother and entrepreneur go for promising suitors? Tinder. I went on a couple uneventful and let's be honest hilarious dates. But one beautiful August day I matched with a total hottie, who would melt the icy walls I had built around my heart. He is a successful software engineer at a large company and is arguably one the most intelligent people I have ever met. With all of my pain and trauma, he met every echo of it with patience and resilience. His ambition for his own career goals inspired me to work hard every day to figure out ways to achieve my own, even when I have experienced setbacks. Like COVID's Omicron strain that was decimating my studio attendance and by extension my income post holidays. My son was also recently diagnosed with level 3 autism that affected my ability obtain stable childcare. Again, I started researching different modes of passive income to alleviate that stress. He helped educate me on website building and finding lead generating apps and platforms. I've tried every side hustle trend that has ever been mentioned in on TikTok (click a snap, YouTube, drop shipping, and more), and now I'm more fulfilled and motivated than ever. I have my studio, this blog, my own online store, a podcast, YouTube, and I even have a book in progress. All while being able to care for my son during the day. Truly a single mom's dream, no, a necessity.

The beautiful thing about hitting the floor is that the only way left to go is up. But it's not always just jumping to your feet. It can start slow; breathe. Lift your head, pull your hands underneath you, and push up. Then stack your spine tall, and place one foot in front of the other. lean forward into tomorrow with very step. That small adjustment is enough to propel you forward from a walk to a jog to a sprint. It gets easier everyday with the consistency of your routine, and your will to persevere. Those moments of feeling uncomfortable or broken is actually our body's way of reminding us that we are in the process of changing. Growing is painful. But it's beautiful. You are so beautiful, especially in those moments. Let those tears turn to sweat and turn that sweat into momentum.



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